no matter where I am
so everything's up in the air again. my recent conversations with God have gone something like this:
Hi God, so it looks like you have a new plan in the works for me. That's great. I'm marginally excited about doing something new. Hey, do you think you could let me in on what it is you're going to have me do? I, uh, I trust you and stuff, but I'd kind of like to, um, you know, know what's going on.
Hey God, yeah, I thought I heard you saying maybe I should become a high school english teacher after all, so I tried to apply for the teaching credential program at UNC and guess what God, yeah, I've missed the deadline by, like, four months. I'm kind of picking up mixed signals here, God, could you maybe, I dunno, clarify.
So. . . Abba . . . I could be a substitute teacher with just my BA and a finger print card. Is that what you're calling me to do? This library thing doesn't look like it's going to work out, they haven't called me yet, and I was kind of hoping I could kindof do that. Are you going to have me stay where I am, because I don't think that's what you're telling me but maybe it is. Can I work there or anywhere if I don't believe in what is happening? Maybe you could just tell me what you want the next step to be. How about that? . . . okay, you can get back to me.
And then at Good Friday service, every station firmly but quietly gave me this line:
no matter where I am
I am called to serve, no matter where I am.
I am asked to trust, no matter where I am.
I am to reflect his light, no matter where I am.
I am protected and loved, no matter where I am.
I wish I could say that this is the answer that I was hoping for. But honestly, I'm just not at that place yet. I still want to know where, exactly, it is that I'm going to be. But still, it's an answer. I wish I could say I have since embraced that peace that surpasses my understanding. But at least I've freaking out less. No scooters. No trips. No more unnecessarily elaborate meals. Things will be tight for a while, but I think things will be okay.
Hi God, so it looks like you have a new plan in the works for me. That's great. I'm marginally excited about doing something new. Hey, do you think you could let me in on what it is you're going to have me do? I, uh, I trust you and stuff, but I'd kind of like to, um, you know, know what's going on.
Hey God, yeah, I thought I heard you saying maybe I should become a high school english teacher after all, so I tried to apply for the teaching credential program at UNC and guess what God, yeah, I've missed the deadline by, like, four months. I'm kind of picking up mixed signals here, God, could you maybe, I dunno, clarify.
So. . . Abba . . . I could be a substitute teacher with just my BA and a finger print card. Is that what you're calling me to do? This library thing doesn't look like it's going to work out, they haven't called me yet, and I was kind of hoping I could kindof do that. Are you going to have me stay where I am, because I don't think that's what you're telling me but maybe it is. Can I work there or anywhere if I don't believe in what is happening? Maybe you could just tell me what you want the next step to be. How about that? . . . okay, you can get back to me.
And then at Good Friday service, every station firmly but quietly gave me this line:
no matter where I am
I am called to serve, no matter where I am.
I am asked to trust, no matter where I am.
I am to reflect his light, no matter where I am.
I am protected and loved, no matter where I am.
I wish I could say that this is the answer that I was hoping for. But honestly, I'm just not at that place yet. I still want to know where, exactly, it is that I'm going to be. But still, it's an answer. I wish I could say I have since embraced that peace that surpasses my understanding. But at least I've freaking out less. No scooters. No trips. No more unnecessarily elaborate meals. Things will be tight for a while, but I think things will be okay.
posted by Mel at 11:33 AM
2 Comments:
I know things will be ok in the end. I love you! Call me anytime. :)
Hi again! Smile! :)
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