Today, I miss the ocean. The tidepools. The salty air and the way it spotted my glasses and made it hard to see. My chest hurts the way it will when I am low on potassium or blood sugar or whatever happens to my body. I ache with the weight of all the things that happened in that spot, the place I went to often when I was tired or hopeful or lonely or looking for something fun to do with tom. Even the wonderful memories weigh me down, because I can not be there now, can not drive there tonight or this weekend or ever.

Today, I miss the ocean with the full weight of my being, the way I used to miss tom. Although I know it is other things that I am anxious about, other things which weigh heavy on my mind, other reasons why I am so tired I am close to tears, today the ocean weighs heavy on my heart and maybe if I can convince myself that this is the real problem, then everything will be alright.