we're not speaking any more

settling

2008-04-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

settling is an interesting process.

yesterday while tom was gone i pulled most of the office together. tom built the desk, complete with lego-like cinderblocks. I put up the bookcase, set up the printer, dragged the bed in from the garage, stacked boxes I didn't want to work with. Nerd Town is coming together nicely, and it is unexpectedly fantastic to be able to type and work at an actual desk again. Who knew?

yesterday afternoon tom and I also began our 10 day trial of WoW Burning Crusade. It's nice to be playing again. So far it's only been with our new people, but I am excited to go back to Melleona, my all time favorite Dwarf Pally. She is pretty much awesome.

plus now that we have the desktop up and running again, I can listen to all my music from college that I nearly forgot I had. Nada Surf? Awesome. Aaron Sprinkle? Nice to know you're still here.

next week tom and I both have the whole week off, well, mostly, so we are really looking forward to playing WoW until we stink from not showering and have gained at least 10 pounds from all the snacking. ah... just like the good old days.

things are getting there. and that's something.

So this is the new year...

2007-12-31T08:41:00.000-08:00

... and I have no resolutions ...

Things have been so crazy busy. I got a ten week sub job at the youth corrections center - it was a total God thing, they called me out of the blue and have been so willing to work with me and my tutoring schedule. I have a month left and it's like a real job now and I really don't want to leave, but I'm pretty sure we're going to open the bakery full time after I'm done at the jail, which is exciting in its own right.

I have realized that this next year I need to take better care of myself. I need to avoid the isolation I've been seeking lately. I need to exercise more and eat better. I need to seek out oportunites to give more of myself.

I also need to get rid of a lot of stuff. I started purging yesterday and already I feel much better. I just hope I can stick with it.

mj

crazy pants

2007-09-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

a few reflections:

last week I worked a whopping 45 hours just at kaplan, teaching two classes, tutoring a plethera of students, prepping and proctoring and driving here there and everywhere. On top of that, the bakery got the account with Margies, which means we are baking more than ever. Early mornings and late nights make for a very sleepy mel. On one side, I know that I need to work this much if we have any hope at all of making rent next month... on the other, I just want a nap.

before things got so busy, I read all seven harry potter books in two weeks. they were amazing and I walked around in a daze for several days after finishing seven, not quite sure what to do with my life anymore. luckily the business of everything has solved that problem for me.

building plans for the bakery are sort of at a stand still, as I have had zero time to further investigate anything.

The Block Party is friday... only two days away, and we are not ready. We are closer to being ready than we were last weekend, but there is still a lot that needs to be done, and not very much time to do it in.

Now that Tom is back in school, we're back to missing eachother. I'm sometimes around in the day while he's in class, but have to take off as soon as he gets out. I wish there was a better way to work things.

Lately I've been reflecting on how I'm not doing much reflecting anymore. I only got back from Peru a few weeks ago, and already the exprience seems lost or, at the very least, hibernating. Have I significantly applied anything that I've learned, or thought about anything at all? I don't think being broke counts as application, since it is by no means intentional.

I'm happy that it's finally fall, my most favorite of all seasons, even if I don't have many opportunities to enjoy it. Tom and I have taken to wearing our chuyos around in the mornings when we bake. It gives me hope.

Hope. That which I must cling to.

update

2007-07-26T15:48:00.001-07:00

I suppose an update is in order as it's been longer than I care to remember. What is news?

I'm done at the radio station (angelic choruses ring in my ears) and have spent much of the last two weeks basking in the glory of simply being. I have more than enough other things going on, between the bakery and Kaplan, and driving with Teresa to Chicago.

Yes, Chicago, and we have hence returned, very tired, and very impressed with Nebraska. The roads are smoothly paved, the landscape is rolling green on and on, and the rest stops are amazing. Yes, my friends, the rest stops in Nebraska have more public services, more funding for the arts, and more love for pets and their owners than our fair city of Greeley. And they are wireless. In the middle of a corn field. I am both shamed and amazed.
Omaha is the home of SaddleCreek records, a personal favorite of both Tom and I, and you can imagine our excitement at being able to stop there around lunch time. We had heard that Collin on the SC crew had taken it upon themselves to revitalize downtown Omaha. Given this single piece of information, and also the idea that they had a recording studio in a barn, I imagined Omaha to be a small place, with a neat downtown. But it turns out Omaha is actually quite large, bigger than the capitol of Nebraska, actually, and the downtown is indeed in need of revitalizing. While I at least had secretly imagined a fantastic lunch surrounded by indie hipsters, we found nothing more exciting than a Quiznos and two very suspect Chinese restaurants, and left the city with nothing more in our bellies than disappointment.

2007-06-29T13:07:00.001-07:00

Well, I’m back in the states, as most of you know. I turned in my two weeks notice my first day back at work, Wednesday, and now mostly spend my time at work reading back issues of features on McSweeney’s. In fact, this is generally what my work day looks like:

8:30 – should be at work but am actually still several streets away
8:40 – get to work, log in to computer, stare into space while it loads
8:50 – open outlook and delete junk mail
9:00 – open firefox, read gmail, begin with McSweeney’s online
11:30 – take a break from McSweeney’s to make tomorrow’s log, pretty much my only job function
1:00 – go to lunch
1:40-ish – come back from lunch. Commence McSweeney’s reading
3:00 – take break from McSweeney’s to answer ringing phone. It’s a telemarketer.
4:45 – finish McSweeney’s story I’m on, begin shut down procedure

I am still trying to sort out everything from Peru. I suppose I should be spending some of the free time I have at work trying to process, but this isn’t really a very conducive environment for that. I am trying to get pictures posted… I am hoping over the weekend that will successfully happen. I am trying to caption them all so that you can see what happened.

So far possible “big lessons” – humility (because working with Zach wasn’t enough to pound that into my thick skull), joyful giving, hospitality. I’m also noticing that most everything around me (especially at work) is annoyingly excessive. Florescent lighting. Air conditioner. My 10 ball point pens. All the equipment. Radio in itself. Our office which is big and has carpeting and a door that locks. Two doors that lock, actually. Maybe three.

en yanoca

2007-06-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

we are back in yanoca where our favorite family lives. we stayed last night and bob and i will leave this afternoon for cusco so we can catch the early train to machu pichu. Then erika and mary kay will meet us in cusco tomorrow night.

the time has gone by so quickly, we just need so much more. so many people here need help, are giving help, need help themselves. the things that they are proud of make me cry. our family just installed a closing device for thier outhose - some string and a nail in the adobe wall. this is fantastic, such a big improvement, we don´t have to wake eachother up in the night to go to the bathroom... but... but this is horrible. they should have a bathroom with a sink, a proper door, a mirror, tiles.

yesterday we visited the internada, which is a bit of a bording house for girls from the campo that want to go to high school, since there aren´t any out there. Some of these girls walk 8 hours just to get there. Right now there are 14 girls living in two small rooms. They stay for a week and then go home for the weekends, because their parents wouldn´t let them walk so far every day. What they have means so much to them, and it is so little. They are working on building better dorms, so that there will only be two to a room, but they have run out of money, and construction has stalled. they are so excited. can you imagine, having a bathroom down the hall, inside, with tiled floors! you wouldn´t have to put your shoes on in the night to go to the bathroom. oh, it will be lovely.

The other day, who knows when it was, yesterday maybe, Erika and I hung out with a baker in Siqani and we learned how to make empanadas. We didn´t wash our hands, we didn´t have clean water to wash the pans in, it was wonderful and lovely, and crazy.

Something that is becoming clearer to me daily is this: there are people all over the world who are giving their entirety to other people. there is hope. restoration is occuring.

estoy in peru!

2007-06-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

have i written from peru yet, i can´t remember? wow, the keyboard in this internet cafe is really hard to type in. um... a quick up date, we are in seqani, i thikn that´s how its spelled, staying with the bishop, which is by far the nicest place we´ve been since he has wooden floors and hot running water. in a few days we will head back to yanoca, dirt floors and no water, anywhere, hot or otherwise. then back to cusco, where I shoudl be able to do a fair amount of updating, since there will be internet in the convent thing. okay, times up, hasta luego, mel

traveling

2007-06-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

The last time I tried to fall asleep in an airport I was eleven years old. We had an overnight layover in the Natarita Airport in Japan. That paticular overnight stay was easier for many reasons, the most influential of which was probably our age (our refering to April and myself). Being so young, we could hardly imagine the importance of somebody staying awake to keep watch. Even if we had, the task would surely never fall to us. After all, wasn´t that why dad traveled with us, for situations just sucn as this, to keep watch?
Second, we were much smaller then, sliding easily under arm rests, settling comfortably on the floor. The carpeted floor. For of course, that evening we spent in the Red Carpet Club, tucked into a dark corner by the bar (closed by now of course), our parents dozing in the Club´s overstuffed arm chairs, my sister and I sprawling almost luxuriously accross the floor, claiming that corner as ours. It was so much easier then, our corner was dark, maybe a single lamp burned somehwere narby. It was exciting, a night spent in that most magic of rooms, the gifter of gingerale and lime - such a grown up drink! And weren´t we brave there on that dark floor, only half listening to the jet engines outside, coming, going, coming again like a tide.
But from the artificially bright food court at the Lima airport, sleep is ipossible, adventure still illusive. I have not yet quite arrived (well, I guess I have now that I´m writing this in Cusco...). You can not hear the planes from here. Their methodical lap against sleepy shore has been replaced by the low hum of the tile waxer. No, no carpet here. None in sight anywhere. And of course, here, someone must at least feign alertness, even now wiht a special table situated against the wall of the second story windows. For now it is Bob, though he´s reading and tired and may silently slip into sleep at any moment.
...

We are staying at a hostel run by dominican nuns in Cusco, there may be a teacher´s strike tomorrow so not sure when we´ll be leaving for the mountains. I realized as we unloaded the van-taxi that we brought an insane amount of luggage, thank goodness we´ll be leaving half of it here. Bob and Jerry are off somewhere exciting, I woke up too late to follow them, Mary Kay and Erika are still aleep. I wish I could wake up more completely. I´d better go and try to figure out what we´re going to do. I will try to wake up .... um, update... again soon. I love and miss you all!!

mel

2007-06-06T15:41:00.001-07:00

En solamente una semana, yo voy a Perú, y tengo solamente una cosa a decir: No estoy listo. Yo dime, “por supuesto, estoy listo. Tengo todos las cosas que yo necesito. Tengo comida y ropa y libros.” Pero in mi corazón, en mi cabeza, no estoy listo. No quiero abandonar Tomas a la Mercado y la Panadería a el mismo. No quiero pensar sobre salir de Tomas y todos mis amigos.

Sin Embargo, es la verdad que un poco parto de me es un poco entusiasmado. Un poco.

2007-05-30T12:01:00.001-07:00

Today, I miss the ocean. The tidepools. The salty air and the way it spotted my glasses and made it hard to see. My chest hurts the way it will when I am low on potassium or blood sugar or whatever happens to my body. I ache with the weight of all the things that happened in that spot, the place I went to often when I was tired or hopeful or lonely or looking for something fun to do with tom. Even the wonderful memories weigh me down, because I can not be there now, can not drive there tonight or this weekend or ever.

Today, I miss the ocean with the full weight of my being, the way I used to miss tom. Although I know it is other things that I am anxious about, other things which weigh heavy on my mind, other reasons why I am so tired I am close to tears, today the ocean weighs heavy on my heart and maybe if I can convince myself that this is the real problem, then everything will be alright.

no news - just bored

2007-05-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

I am writing today because I am bored. I’ve already prepped for LSAT tonight, I have a general idea of what I’ll discuss with my new LSAT tutoring student, and of course all my “work” is done, and has been for literally hours. Maybe I should go over my notes for class again?

Honestly, more than anything I would like a nap. I am so friggin tired, and I didn’t even have to get up early this morning, although I did startle myself awake around 5:30, worried that I had missed all the alarms.

Tomorrow night is the only night I have off this week, and a lot needs to happen then. I’ll need to go in and make cookies, and also some doggie biscuits. At some point I need to buy a sturdy water bowl.

Having the first day of the farmers market behind us is a huge relief – we learned a lot of things to do differently, but still reached our goal of selling nearly everything. Still, armed with this new knowledge, it seems that now there is so much to do. I had hoped to buy a red canopy, but it’s going to take us weeks – maybe even months –before we can make enough at the market to properly afford one. Hopefully we will be able to borrow someone’s in the meantime.

I also desperately need to whip up a website to link to the deli’s. Like should have done it three weeks ago desperately. Where is the time?

Maybe I’ll go through notes again. I’m about to fall asleep at the keyboard.

largely noncomittal

2007-05-18T15:30:00.001-07:00

Alas (and this is for Heather,) on this particular afternoon I am feeling not musey but rather worn out. Yesterday saw a spectacular display of strife that has come to exemplify my day-job life. Had my LSAT class not had a test last night, (meaning that I didn’t have to be there), I’m not sure what I would have done. Cried, probably.

This week has been odd, in that it has both been excruciatingly long, and terrifyingly fast. I am glad for it to be over, and excited for the Farmer’s Market tomorrow morning, but I still feel extremely unprepared. The sporadic rain torrents this afternoon didn’t help ease my anxiety, and I actually called Tom over my lunch break to see if he could/would research canopies for me. The main problem here is justifying this immense expenditure before my business realizes any true profit. Perhaps we will make a fortune tomorrow morning, and use that to buy one.

Sometime between tonight and tomorrow at 7:00, I still need to make and package the following:

Strawberry Marshmallows
Some kind of Scone (Tom’s rooting for the classic cranberry orange, I am noncommittal)
Some kind of Muffin (most likely some variation of an oatmeal/wheat recipe I found while aimlessly reading food blogs at work this week. I wish I could find it again to link here, they looked wonderful)
Cookies (I’d like to make Baked Strawberry Meringues, another find this week, but I wonder if I’ll have the patience at five o’clock tomorrow morning)

I also need to figure out packaging. Because I don’t have my special event license yet (read: I haven’t even downloaded the form) I need to package everything at the deli ahead of time. The trick here is doing it in such a way that still showcases the lovely colors and shapes of whatever I do end up taking. And it cuts down on the don’t-those-smell-too-good-to-pass-up factor, which is the best marketing out there.

I have, however, spent the last several weeks working on amassing display devices, from baskets to a fabulous hurricane candle holder-thingy for a mere fifty cents. And some wonderful vintage card tablecloths, which are just faded enough for me to not be upset if something awful happens to them.

In a final update before I post this, I just got off the phone with one of the coffee shops that I visited last week and it looks like they may be interested in having me custom make some goodies for them. Not a call I should have picked up at work. Man, I’ve got to trust my instincts to let it roll to voice mail.

Marshmallow Success!

2007-05-10T09:11:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I have been trying for what seems like months now to make home-made marshmallows. Recipe after recipe, I was met with naught but disaster. Until now. Thanks to my ample food-blog-searching time at work, I have discovered www.slashfood.com, and with it, this lovely recipe.

Starting 19 May, folks in Greeley will be able to enjoy these lovely bits of heaven at the Farmers Market each Saturday morning. Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, you can try them yourself.

Here it is with my comments and what I changed:

Homemade Marshmallows – Success!

What you need:

| 3 envelopes of unflavored Knox gelatin | in some of my earlier adventures, I thought to myself, flavored marshmallows sound tastey, let’s use flavored jell-o. This would be a big mistake. You have to start with the flavorless kind. I finally found some at SuperTarget for about a buck for four envelopes

| 1/2 cup cold water |

| 2 cups granulated sugar |

| 2/3 cups light corn syrup | I have also tried making it with honey, and so far I haven’t gotten the adjustments quite right to make it work. I do wish I could, because corn is just so evil….

| 1/4 cup water |

| 1/4 teaspoon salt |

| 1 tablespoon vanilla extract or your flavoring |

Line a square pan (my 8x8 worked well) with plastic wrap and lightly oil it. Set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer, sprinkle gelatin over 1/2 cup cold water. Soak for about 10 minutes. There should be some sort of reaction where it looks like wrinkly skin. Seriously.

Meanwhile, combine sugar, corn syrup, and 1/4 cup water in a medium saucepan. Stir it a little so the sugar mostly dissolves. Then let it sit until it reaches a rapid boil. Boil it hard for 1 minute. This general direction actually worked much better than the other recipes I tried that required you to measure for temperature, hard ball or soft ball stage – really, I saw all three! I’m sure I left mine on for a little bit longer than 1 minute since I was trying to melt butter to grease the pan with at the time, but not to much longer or it will be bad!

Pour the boiling syrup into the soaked gelatin and turn on the mixer. The recipe calls for using the whisk attachment, but since I am forever in love with my crazy almost burnt out sunbeam from way before I was born, I used the only beaters I have (well, I guess I have dough hooks, so that’s not really fair), and they worked just marvelously. Work it up to high speed. Add the salt and beat for 12 minutes.

This is what will happen:

Step one: mostly liquid, hangs around the sides

Step two: pulls from sides and fills the middle

Step three: goes back out to sides, leaving you staring at the sad metal at the bottom of the middle of your bowl. Don’t stop mixing until it reaches step three.

Then add the vanilla extract, and keep mixing so it’s well incorporated. I think it might actually incorporate better if you add it somewhere during step two , I am going to try that next time.

Things to add instead of vanilla – strawberry extract from savory, orange flour water, peppermint or hazelnut extract, chocolate extract (also from savory), etc. I also have seen a version with ground red hots, but I think it would be best to add those at the corn syrup/sugar stage.

Cut an extra square of plastic wrap and set aside. Use some melted butter or something to grease your spatula before you try to dig the marshmallows out of the bowl. Scrape everything into the prepped pan and spread evenly. Take your extra square of plastic wrap and press lightly on the top of the marshmallows to create a seal.

Set it on the counter (anyplace but the fridge) for a few hours or overnight. It should cool completely and be able to be completely lifted out of the pan by pulling up the plastic wrap with no oozing or loss of shape.

When you’re ready, fill a bowl or dinner plate with equal parts corn starch and powdered sugar. I’ve also seen versions that coat with powdered sugar and rice flour, and even though I have some, I’m pretty sure most people don’t. If you’ve made a flavored version, crush up some hard candy with that flavor and add to the sugar/starch mix.

Remove the marshmallows from the pan, keeping them in the plastic wrap. There are several ways to get to the next step. If you’re using a dinner plate, remove the top layer of plastic wrap, invert on the coating mixture, and then remove the rest. At the deli, I combined my coating in a small bowl, and peeled the marshmallows from the plastic wrap, keeping the bottom section to rest them on while I worked.

Then cut them into beautiful squares with kitchen scissors. You can use a buttered knife, but it’s much harder. I’ve also seen people cutting them into beautiful shapes with cookie cutters, but it seems like so much more trouble than it’s worth.

Roll the cut marshmallows around in your coating concoction. Store in something airtight, or consume immediately.

I got just under forty marshmallows from this.

This sounds like a long and arduous process, but it is so much fun! If it sounds like too much work for you, come buy some from me at the farmers market!

even still, there is great hope

2007-05-07T15:24:00.001-07:00

Feeling musey again, but not much to say. I have to admit I’m feeling a little overwhelmed at this point. There are so many things to do, so many decisions to make, so much that requires money. Sometimes I think if I could just drop out and live somewhere in South America forever I just might. I can’t believe that the streets in heaven are paved with gold. I just don’t think we’ll care at that point.

I had forgotten how much time teaching and tutoring sucked out of my daily life. No time for TOT or brunchyness or Dr Who? … not even church last night because I was so drained and really just sick. Missing my community so much really reminds me how much I rely on them.

Well, this is finals week for Tom – he had two today, and will have one more on Thursday and another due Friday. The Farmers Market starts 19 May. My tutoring student’s ACT will be 9 June. My LSAT class’ test day is 11 June. I leave for Lima the very next day. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like everything is happening just in time. Only that seems to give it a good connotation, and that’s not what I really feel at all. I feel rushed. I know, I asked for all of this myself.

In my driving time, I am currently contemplating what it means to have not been given a spirit of fear. I am recalling my lessons of peace. I am listing off baked goods that might sell well at the farmers market. I am praying for restoration for us all.

It's friday, I'm in love ... with sleep... and scones... and LSAT... and ....,

2007-05-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

I am in a muse-y sort of mood, with hours left at work and precious little left to do. This has been a busy week, from getting started on Beetle Productions stuff again to Ode’s funeral, to taking Matt! to the airport and being late for work today. I missed baking and I’m a little upset about it. I’ve been so tired this week, just dragging, and I need to figure out how to fix that. I think a big problem is going to be baking on mornings after LSAT classes, which have started up again. I made some horrible mistakes last night, but hopefully no one noticed. I’m going to stick with, no one noticed so I can bring myself to go back tomorrow. Then we have the beginnings of ACT tutoring tomorrow afternoon… I still need to call my student’s dad back to let him know I don’t know what I was thinking, but there’s no way I can get from Boulder to Fort Collins in half an hour. I must have been out of my mind when I figured out the times. Que mas? Mostly I’m just tired.

I got my wholesale go-ahead from the state health department this week at some point, so I really need to get started on hitting up various places around town. Maybe I’ll work on that now…

Peace,

mel

Thinking about the state of things

2007-04-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

It’s not often that Tom and I meet a situation or a person with which we are truly uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to not see a lovely part of someone, and it seems as though God himself has taken me to great lengths to reveal to me the equal brokenness of each person (myself included). And yet still there are churches we have walked into and people within the christian community that we have met that leave us wondering how our faith can lead to what we’ve just witnessed. There are so many dynamics of this that have really left me thinking in the last week. The Church’s unbelievable alliance with the Republican party, and hence many Christian’s rejection of anything that could be labeled a ‘social program’ or ‘environmental responsibility’ or the like. Taking care of the environment and the communities that God has given us is a paramount teaching – how could so many be missing it so badly? And then there are those who take what we’re given just a little too far. It’s interesting to me how Christianity and, honestly, faith in general, can be so misused by so many, rather consciously or not. Faith is used to justify so much that really has little or nothing to do with what we are called to act out.

I believe that there is great hope for restoration. That there is much work to be done. But how do we sort out what we think we know and what we believe God or our pastor or the republican darling is telling us from what is the real, the honest, the God-truth. How do we reject the actions of our brothers and sisters without disowning them as brothers and sisters? How do we affirm someone’s life without affirming what they are doing with it? I have found it so hard to separate, and I fear that I will only continue to fall into the camp I want to escape from by rejecting those who could use the most love.

In other news, Tom dyed my hair a lovely shade of black (there’s a rumor going around work that it was dyed by pure evil seeping out of my skull) and it is gloriously warm here. Baking is still going great, work is tolerable, Peru is fast approaching. I’ll be getting more test prep classes, which will help with the money situation. All in all things are going great, praise God. Shalom is rich and flavorful.

rbb update

2007-04-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

wow, two posts in a week! amazing! just wanted to give a quick update... yesterday morning I officially got my health license, which means I can legally sell stuff from the deli for the real. it's exciting, and one of the last steps. thank you everyone for your awesome support. I couldn't have come this far without you!
... also, if you're in town you can continue that awesome support by stopping by the Salvador Deli on the corner of 9th and 8th downtown. For now, you can enjoy fresh from the oven goodies monday, wednesday, and friday, and less fresh but still delicious things all the other days. huzzah!
you can also find good things to eat at the Autism Yard-sale Fundraiser, which will be next Saturday, 28 April, at The Beetle. Maybe even... pineapple flower cupcakes? maybe. we'll see.

nick drake makes me happy

2007-04-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

This is a reminder, probably to myself, since, honestly, how many of you are still checking this? As an aside, I’m so ashamed for not writing in so long… but as I was saying, this is a reminder that things are not all bad. That good and wonderful things are happening every day. Today, for instance, I heard a lovely Nick Drake song as I was driving back to work from the Boulder Post Office, the windows down, the music loud, the sun so bright and warming. My friends are wonderful, baking is great, and my husband is more that I could ever think up and ask for. It’s true that these are trying times, especially when it comes to tricky things like medical insurance and car problems and needing to eat (such tiny things in the big plan…) but for the most part, I can feel the warmth of God raining down on me. I’m learning humility, and it is a horrible process, but it is wonderful to know that I am becoming more like my restored self every day. That’s something to keep moving towards. That and the inevitable and undeniable invasion of truly awe-some summer nights, with friends and drinks and good food, and fellowship that truly is.

grace

2007-02-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

"How many times do we fight "for God" with judgment? How many times do we judge people for not believing what we believe? Maybe we are trying to witness to someone, and they just won't listen or transformation has not happened so we judge them.
Maybe what really impacts lives is grace. Maybe God's battles are only won in grace."

From Relevant Magazine on-line

driving at the end

2007-02-03T14:30:00.000-08:00

You are driving, but I
I am flying
My fingers flutter like paper birds
streamers out the window.

You are carefully following a plan, but I
I am enjoying the scenery
How long has it been since I've been
enveloped by the peace of your starry night sky?

You are laughing as I,
I am swaying
A ten-year-old's smile on my face again
innocent joy and wonder.

You are waiting for me to recover
And I
I am dancing.

let me tell you how good our God is

2007-02-03T13:23:00.000-08:00

I've been offered a kitchen. Our God is so good. So good.

2007-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

had a surreal experience at the wendy's today while reading david crowder and mike hogan's new book. they were playing the decemberists. in the wendy's. it was bizzare.

In other news, the bakery trial ended on a headachey note today, when I couldn't coax myself out of bed earlier than 6:30, not even for pumpkin spice muffins. Waking up early to do baking when you're already working two other jobs is not as fun as it might sound. But the things that I did make this week all turned out good: cinnamon rolls, cranberry scones, puffed pancakes with apples.

Things at work are going better. If this job is a neccessary step to Peru, then I can handle it. I can do this.

m

PERU!

2007-01-24T15:25:00.000-08:00

wow. wow. I'm going to Peru. I'm actually going. I have my ticket. I'm going. God is so good. I need to calm down. I am so excited.

... I'm going to Peru.

mjcustomorderbakery (at) gmail (dot) com

2007-01-22T19:21:00.000-08:00

today was test day #1. cinnamon rolls. wake up early. take to work and school. work all day. work all night at kaplan. get up early tomorrow for test day #2. we got good reviews for the rolls. i think tomorrow i'll make scones, since they are easier than some other things.
i am getting some good encouragement, and that feels good.
another awesome thing happened today. i decided to go to cafe m in downtown boulder, since i pass it on the way to the post office and i rarely take a real lunch anyway. m for melissa? m for monday? m for michael, the guy, i think, who owns it? take your pick. I want to try to go there every monday now to get to know him. it's an awesome cafe, and maybe we can talk about stuff I'm reading or something. I need to get better at being a witness by being.

i am working on things still.

january is snowey and full of new things

2007-01-13T13:49:00.001-08:00

so my job is ... going. God must be satisfied with my progress with peace, because now I am working on humility. (I suppose he could also be trying to get me to learn about multitasking the two... I hope not). So I am learning that I do not have a monopoly on the truth or the right or the good even.

Over and over again lately, I have been reminded that everyone was wrong when it came to God's big plan for redemption. Educated, poor, rich, elite, regular guys. Everyone envisioned a king greater than David, a ruler who would set the world to rights by smoting the enemies of God's people and bestowing upon the victors treasures and safety. They expected a warrior a-la Maccabeus. Instead they got a peasant-rabbi, someone who laughed with the poor at the rich's expense, someone who served everyone else. Someone who does bestow upon us treasures and safety... but not in the way we expected. If they can all be so wrong, then I can be wrong about nuances as well.

But more than accepting that I could be wrong, I am working on humbling my smart-ass cynical attitude. How can I be called to ministry when I feel so... weird there. I want it all on my own agenda - God, let me work in ministry for a living, but let it be a ministry I enjoy and am part of. for a living!! If I've said it once, I've said it a million times ... the only churches I'd want to work at wouldn't be able to have anyone on staff.

But God has a plan, and this is part of it. I have been affirmed that this is where I'm supposed to be for now. learning humility. learning the next part.

also, i hope God works out the Peru thing, because now it seems that with this job I won't be able to go.

more later,
mel

new job!

2006-12-22T10:42:00.000-08:00

hey everyone. I got the new job at the radio station! Thanks to everyone for your prayers and help and references and encouragement.
It's very snowy here, everything's been closed for days. more later on that!

mel

snow, snow, snow, snow

2006-12-20T12:22:00.000-08:00

as the title for this post indicates, it is snowing like crazy pants here. it seems like the whole world is closed, and if I were braver and it weren't so windy, I might try to traipse around out there. Seriously, I've never seen so much snow in my whole life.
in other news, the house buying is on temporary hiatus, while we try to find something that we like better than the house on 7th. nothing so far, and I have little hope for finding one in the days to come. Boo.
I better get back to the beetle productions web stuff. It's coming... along... mostly. =)

m

lots is happening

2006-12-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

I finally have peace about looking for another job. Is it because I'll only be able to work half of december in the schools? maybe. The point is, I can look now, maybe.

The other half of that is Tom and I are buying a house here in Greeley. One of us is going to need to make a little more money on a little bit more regular basis. Even if our monthly payment will be less, we'll be spending most of our savings for the down, which means no fall back. Still, it's exciting. Crazy, stressful, and exciting.

In times like these, I really notice how different Tom and I are, and how good it is to have that other side. Buying a house is completely different for him and I. We look at different things. He sees the ugly blue color, I see potential for painting. But it's a good balance, because I often walk into a total dump and start tearing down walls in my mind, stripping the flooring, and seeing something beautiful. Tom keeps me grounded. How realistic is it, really, that I will accomplish all that I envision in those first few moments? not very. One of my biggest problems is, I fall in love with every house I see.

It will be interesting to be moving over Christmas again. I haven't put out any decorations yet, I kind of figure, if we're going to be packing soon, won't that be a big enough hastle?

In other news... what other news is there? Peace. I am still meditating on peace. I am paying attention to the way that I react and I am trying to be more thoughtful in my handling of people. It is a work in progress.

m

peace

2006-11-19T14:30:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about peace a lot lately. What a confused blessing it is to have peace. Sometimes I feel like I am underwater.

I'm re-reading velvet elvis, because I love rob bell and I need to be reminded about rethinking what we think we know about faith. This time around I was particularly struck by this. Rob is talking about why he follows christ's example:

I'm convinced pursuing peace in every situation is a better way to live.

Tree of Life

2006-10-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

Tree of Life

tomight at church Jeff told us about the tree of life (so named for the one from genesis and revelation).

The tree of life is an amazing sculpture made by four Mozambican artists out of decomissioned weapons from their civil war.

what an amazing picture of restoration.

myth and religion

2006-10-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

Last night at Theology on Tap we talked about the role of myth in Christianity, and whether or not there is or should be one at all.

One of the points brought up was that it is a slippery slope. If I say I can't synthesize or distinguish one of the two creation stories as true, where do I draw the line? At Elijah's ascension? Did that "really" happen? Or the virgin birth? Or the resurrection? Can we pick parts of the scriptures and designate them as myth without doing the same to others.

I think Jeff had a really good point about this when he brought up the different genres within the Bible. Historically, we break up scriptures into History, Poetry, Prophesy, Law, and others. I identify with this strongly because this lets us point out that the book of Revelation was written in the very specific, very stylized form of Apoctolyptic Literature. Whether or not you believe Revelation describes the fall of Israel and the burning of the Temple or some fantastic point in the future, or both, we can all agree that it is highly symbolic and purposefully written in a very specific style.

Similarly, we know that Jesus often taught in parables - myths to illustrate a point. Would it be so far off to suggest that God may have used this method elsewhere in the Bible - the story that he tells us about himself? Why wouldn't it be reasonable to suggest that certain parts of scripture - the creation accounts for example - are both God breathed and myth? We know that God is vaster than we can imagine even now .... Just imagine if he told the early priests how he really created the heavens and the earth, setting up microcosms that would go on and flourish and evolve forever. Would they have understood? I don't think so.

But they would have understood that their God is a great artist and a great planner. Both of the creation stories reveal the great awe and majesty of our Father. Both reaffirm that his creation was good to begin with and that it now needs restoration. Both do so in powerful ways that just wouldn't have been possible if the factual truth were set out for us.

And this leads me now to ponder the question, does something have to be factual for it to be true?

efforts to stop worrying about... well, everything

2006-09-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

so the past two weeks I have been stressed more than any other recent time. There have been things with church, and I have been working at least one job every day, including saturday and sunday. I have also been worrying about things like, what will I teach my tutoring students, what will I take for lunch since we are out of lunch meat, and, of course, silly little questions like, what will I do with the rest of my life, and is God really telling me to be a teacher, because maybe I misheard him, maybe.

But I realized last night as I was talking to Tom that I am a nitwit. I am worrying about what I am going to do with my life in completely the wrong arena. For example, why am I so worried? I have a wonderful husband. I have wonderful family and friends. I have a home (sort of). I have hopes of a dog. I am only 21 and I have already done the 70 hour a week career path and decided it is not for me. I already have a wonderful life with more direction than I like to give God credit for. I am going to keep telling myself all of this when I get all stressed out. I have nothing to be worried about except for how I am living my life, and maybe I need to slow down a little so I can get that part right.

m

end of summer update

2006-08-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

so I'm horrible at updating this now that I don't have a job to get bored at . . . =) Even still, Lea Anne's latest post has inspired me to make an end of the summer update.

umm... where to start. I'm teaching both Test Prep and subbing, I'm enjoying test prep more than subbing. Tom's dad says I should go to Law School. I wish that I felt called to law school. I'm sure I'd enjoy it much more than teaching.

Tom got a play station 2, and that officially ended our hours spent playing world of warcraft. Well, that and my having to return my work computer. I think we'll resubscribe when the expantion comes out. Maybe.

With less WOW to keep me occupied, I've been reading a lot. A lot. Mostly C.S. Lewis, which I'm really enjoying because I've always wanted to read him. Tom and I are reading The Lord of the Rings series together when ever we're in the car. I'm trying to read Cold Mountain but it's slow going. I finally picked up Donald Millar's book "Blue like Jazz," which I'm really enjoying, especially the bits about Reed College. And there have been lots of books in between, of course, most notabley a few Brennon Manning books.

I'm also cooking a lot. A lot. All the time. I'll use any excuse to have people over for eating. So far, so good.

Also, Tom and I have discovered LOST, and we are watching the first season on loan from the library. It is SO good. Some of our friends say we're addicted. Okay, we are, a little.

what else is happening?. . . I'm going to California later this month to help Tom's mom move... somewhere... and I might or might not go to Vegas for labor day weekend to spend some time with my dad's family.

I guess that's a pretty complete update. Sort of. I'll try to do better in the future, but I can't make any promices . . .

update

2006-06-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

since my last entry is from the end of the community and almost a month old, I thought I'd better update. a lot has happened.

I'm working for Kaplan now, which is fun, if not 100% stable. I've already got two classes lined up, which is pretty impressive apparantly. I start teaching the 10th, but it's been nice to be getting a pay check for the last month, even if it is small.

I'm also looking at two other jobs - one with the city and the other for Group publishing. We partnered with them on the PDYM extreme makeover last year, and they seem alright. I didn't really think God was leading me back into ministry, but maybe I just needed a break for a while? And of course there's the teaching - I got my substitue licence in the mail the other day (yay!) and I've contacted the two districts around here to see what's next.

The fourth is Tom's dad's birthday, so we're headin to Junction to see what we can see. I hope that it will be a nice break, and my goal is to finish my digital portfolio (which I have to make for the city job and which is taking me forever) before Friday so I don't even have to take my computer. Yay!

These are things that Tom and I have recently discovered:

- bread + garlic and herb butter + strawberries + cherries = complete(ly delicious) meal
- reading books you don't like is a waste of time
- Mel likes fantasy books afterall
- putting together legos for three straight hours will make your back hurt
- hps have fans that sound like jet engines
- thunderstorms and lightningstorms are really cool
- it's okay to walk around the neighborhood with your bike helmet on
- in fact, if you do it when it's raining, the visor will keep your eyes from getting wet
- sleeping in is nice to do
- Penelope is old
- we want a puppy
- and a house
- having friends over for dinner is the best way to spend an evening at home
- the end of an era is not the end of the world

fin

2006-06-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

The last issue. Up. The last email. Sent. To my credit, I didn't start crying until just now, when I started getting emails back. I'm sad to be leaving, but I'm equally blessed by the difference I have been able to make in these people's lives.

"I'm so sorry to hear that you'll no longer be with the PD Worship Community. You've always had a way of making us feel like we were all part of one big family, and all within reach of one another. I've appreciated your quick responses to my emails, and for your excitement and enthusiasm for the Community."

I have succeeded, and in a big way. And that makes me so happy, and I know it's okay to move on to something new, because I completed the mision that God gave me. So I'm crying because I'm sad, and I don't want to leave this family, but I am also filled with a joy beyond myself.

2006-05-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

I finished the time traveler's wife this morning. It was beautiful and I laughed and cried and walked it back to the library so I could tell the librarian that she should read it. but it was hot and i hadn't eaten or had much to drink. I talked to my mom on the way there and back but when I got home I was sick almost immediately. I tried taking a cool shower, but I hate cold showers and I didn't even wash my hair. This guy called me out of the blue yesterday for a job interview and I have to admit that I was suspisious then but today I did some research on the company Primerica and I just think that I might be sick all over again. It's got me rather depresed, because I was so happy after yesterday, so estatic at the prospect that I might actually get a job and make some money and then maybe tom could quit the job that he hates and things would be a little easier. But if I took this job, I would hate it even more, and I'm debating wether I should go to the interview and hear this guy out, or if I should just leave a message over the weekend telling him that I'm not coming.

an update of sorts

2006-05-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

well, it's been a while, and although I'm still in that ever-hated state of waiting, I guess it's only fair to catch you all up.

Um, first on the mom front, she has about 80% of her vision back, which is good. A couple of weeks ago we got her and april cell phones so we could keep in touch better and not pay so much for it, and that's been good to be able to know what's going on.

My Kaplan presentation went really well, and the director asked me if I could teach the LSATS, which I think would be really neat. The bum part of this is that I can't start training to teach until June at the earliest, and even then I wouldn't be able to teach a class until October. So it's a slow, drawn out process with not a lot of money in the beginning. But it's a start, and for that I am really grateful.

So I'm not sure if I mentioned it here, but I was feeling really led to work with this family-run mortuary in town. So I went and gave them my resume and then went back to talk to the director to see if he had even seen my resume (which he hadn't). I thought something might come of that, but it was a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't heard anything so far.

I was also supposed to hear back from another Starbucks manager in town, but haven't heard anything on that front either.

Yesterday I drove my resume and myself down to Windsor, which is about 20 minutes away, to see about a receptionist position, because it would be easy for me to do, and at least it would be constant work. We'll see what happens with that.

I sent off my application to be a substitue teacher, and it will probably be the end of summer before I get anything back on that.

It kind of saddens me that I'm (mostly) completely throwing away all of my web and graphic design experience. But there's nothing around here that will use what I've basically poured the last three years of my life into. And the few design jobs that I have found require experience with mac-based programs like quark, which I never really learned because I didn't really like it. So there's that.

In slightly happier news, I got a bike, a really sweet retro cruiser bike with fenders and sweet green paint. I took it to the library the other day and all was well until I had to go up a hill.

Also, I'm trying to think up a way to make this Europe thing work, because I would really like to go, but it's kind of hard with no money. The last month has been really hard on our savings, with the car breaking down and my $150 cell phone bill and my being late with the rent and several other things. At least Tom has a job now (that he hates) that can help with the rent, assuming I remember to pay it.

a big day

2006-05-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

today is a big day.

Bev Bev graduates from Reed.

Tom starts his first day working for UNC this summer.

And I have an interview with Starbucks in about .... oh, 25 minutes. So I'm trying to kill time before I walk over - it's across the street. =)

Tomorrow is my interview (reschedualed) with Kaplan. I need to practice my presentation again because I've forgotten most of it, I'm sure.

Hopefully this week I'll hear back from Aadamson to see if they'll want to hire me for anything. So I guess that makes this a big week.

when we pray, we thank God for you and remember your work produced with Faith, your labor promted by Love, and your endourance inspired by Hope . . . 1 thessalonians 1:3

penelope is okay

2006-05-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

well, Penelope is mostly better now, meaning that she's back home and recovering in our garage. It's raining tonight, and it also started raining in Warcraft, which we thought was pretty funny.

I went to get fingerprinted today. Tomorrow I need to finish filling out .... okay, okay, Start filling out, the substitute teacher application and hopefully get that sent out. sigh.

mel

penelope goes to the doctor

2006-05-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I discovered that my interview with Kaplan was actually schedualed for last night. Enter: panicked preparation.

In order to get to Boulder by my 5 o'clock appointment, I had to leave Greeley by 3. Renee had finally reached the conclusion that my job was to come to an unhappy ending, and wanted to tell me in person. She called around 2:55 to break the news, just as I was giving Tom the final run-through of my presentation. 'are you supprised?' she asked? to which I replied, 'no, actually I'm getting ready to leave for an interview.' she told me that Suz wanted to discuss some way of keeping the community going and would call me later. My first thought was 'maybe we could find some trained monkeys. . . ' but before I could fully develop this plot, we had to leave for boulder.

After agonizing about what I should wear, I finally settled on my new grey, fully lined trousers, and a white button up shirt. This was not, it turns out, the best choice.

About five miles out of Greeley, I'm giving my presentation in my head. Tom rolles down his window and cranks up the heat. I am mildly supprized by this, until I realize that he has done this because the engine is overheating and the check engine light is on. We make it about another five miles before Tom decides to pull off the highway and onto a country road. This is a lucky decision, because as we a vearing, Penelope decides she has had enough, and promptly turns herself off.

What do I do, what do I do? Luckily, the nice people at Kaplan had called me earlier in the day to remind me about my appointment. I take a chance on which phone number is theirs and call up my new friend will, who works at the front desk. I tell him the sit: My car's overheated and I'm stuck off the highway and I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight. Luckily he is able to reschedual me for two weeks from now. Whew.

But the car is kind of smoking and um. . . what do we do? We wait. We wait for half an hour for the car to cool before we try to open the hood. We ponder over the possibilities of restarting the car and turning back. We call my mom, who calls my grandpa, who says it would be best not to try to start it, since we could burn the engine up.

so we call a tow truck man, to whom we give lousy directions, and who passes us on the highway. By now it has gotten warmer, around 5 probably, and my lined slacks are making me sweaty. Midas closes at 6 and we pull into the parking lot at 5:55. They've already locked up and give me a drop envelope for my key. great. tow truck man robs us of 90 dollars. great. no one can come pick us up. great.

so we walk. a long ways. In high-healed shoes and lined pants that slightly drag and my computer bag, which is not easy to carry for long distances. it takes us a long time. we stop for fries and orange fanta at the burger king on the way home. sigh.

Amy is coming to take me to Penelope in half an hour. 430 dollars for a new radiator, and i'm not even sure that was the whole problem. boo. Tom's working on his final for honors100, which is retarded, and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do now and if we can keep the community going. I even offered to do it in my spare time if they let me keep my computer. We'll see. I still have to decide if i'm going to the conference in June, but I guess that all depends on what job I get in the meantime.

well, that's all for now. Until later . . .
m

stuff

2006-04-24T08:52:00.003-07:00

I don't feel like doing anything.

It's rainy and cold. Last night we woke up at 1 am to the sound of giant balls of hail slamming down all over the house. When they hit the sky lights over the front room, it sounded like they would break through. We had to go down and bring the car in the garage, because Tom said that the hail could seriously damage the car. It was funny to see him run out in his boxers, but I still had nightmares for the rest of the night.

Friday was a marginally good day. We went to the art show at Atlas, which was very cool, and then hung out for a bit after only to come back home and crash with out doing much of anything.

On Saturday morning we woke up at stupid o'clock and took some stuff over to our pastor's house for a yard sale. It was a good time. We ended up making $28 and spending $20 on a sweet new chair and matching bed sets for the guest bedroom.

Because of the late night and early morning, I didn't get my mom's email message to call her until after noon. By then I was already dehydrated and sunburnt. When my mom told me that she finally went in about her failing vision in one eye only to be told that she probably has MS, I started crying and didn't stop until my forehead felt puffy and my headache was worse.

Heather came over with Matt and his friend from Denver, Josh, for dinner. We watched Bandits (which was very funny) and stayed up talking until after midnight. I really did have a good time, despite everything.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to do for my mom. I don't know what to do for myself. I got an interview with Kaplan, to teach test prep, for next week, but will I need to hang out in Junction for a while?

Tom and I were talking last night about finding a new place. I really like our house, but I would really rather have a real house with a real yard and a real dog. When our lease is up in December, I think we'll move. I have my eye on some cute places downtown. Plus, if my mom needs to come live with us, it will be better to have a place without stairs. Also, it looks like we're going to hang out in Greeley for a while longer. I hate to admit it, but I rather like it here. . .

m

2006-04-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

this will be:
a strawberry salad summer
a small plan struggling through sidewalk summer
an endless walks through endless parks in endless dark summer
a summer not unlike every other
but a still somehow differenct summer

but now I am lusting for my red-green-yellow-ish apple
and wondering:
if they can make apples all year, why can't they have peaches
and wishing
i had brought something other than my skirt
to wipe my
sticky-sweet-summer
hands on.
also, my water tastes like sand.

no matter where I am

2006-04-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

so everything's up in the air again. my recent conversations with God have gone something like this:

Hi God, so it looks like you have a new plan in the works for me. That's great. I'm marginally excited about doing something new. Hey, do you think you could let me in on what it is you're going to have me do? I, uh, I trust you and stuff, but I'd kind of like to, um, you know, know what's going on.

Hey God, yeah, I thought I heard you saying maybe I should become a high school english teacher after all, so I tried to apply for the teaching credential program at UNC and guess what God, yeah, I've missed the deadline by, like, four months. I'm kind of picking up mixed signals here, God, could you maybe, I dunno, clarify.

So. . . Abba . . . I could be a substitute teacher with just my BA and a finger print card. Is that what you're calling me to do? This library thing doesn't look like it's going to work out, they haven't called me yet, and I was kind of hoping I could kindof do that. Are you going to have me stay where I am, because I don't think that's what you're telling me but maybe it is. Can I work there or anywhere if I don't believe in what is happening? Maybe you could just tell me what you want the next step to be. How about that? . . . okay, you can get back to me.

And then at Good Friday service, every station firmly but quietly gave me this line:
no matter where I am

I am called to serve, no matter where I am.
I am asked to trust, no matter where I am.
I am to reflect his light, no matter where I am.
I am protected and loved, no matter where I am.

I wish I could say that this is the answer that I was hoping for. But honestly, I'm just not at that place yet. I still want to know where, exactly, it is that I'm going to be. But still, it's an answer. I wish I could say I have since embraced that peace that surpasses my understanding. But at least I've freaking out less. No scooters. No trips. No more unnecessarily elaborate meals. Things will be tight for a while, but I think things will be okay.

Honda Metropolitan

2006-04-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

Honda Metropolitan

coming home from class yesterday, Tom and I saw this chick on a kiwi green Metropolitan. This began a "discussion" about if we should get one (i.e. what color ours should be) and if we should get a Metro or a larger Vino which will seat two people.

the more we think about it, the more getting a scooter makes sence. If I have to find a new job, it's going to be harder for us to share just the one car, and scooters like the Metro top out at $2,000 brand spanking new. From what I've read, they're safe, hold thier value well, and get almost 100 mpg . We'll still have my car for long distance trips, but to go around town, a scooter would be awesome.

m

Stars on KCRW

2006-03-31T12:27:00.000-08:00

completely revamped mainpage banner plus the new community zine due today. plus other stuff. and after the anxiety of last night (my realization that I can't keep doing community, no matter how bad I want to).

so i finally finished (been going at it since early this morning) and now i'm watching the star's old performance from kcrw. it always makes me smile. back to work i guess . . .

m

stuff i've been up to

2006-03-29T10:57:00.000-08:00

- reading lolita in tehran - so far I'm half-way through. It's been a really great read, and I'm learning a lot about Iran that I never knew.

- the harmony silk factory - this book left me with more questions than answers, and by the end I had the distinct feeling that Jasper's father wasn't actually who he thought he was . . . but no one else seems to think this. I'd give it a 7.

- atonement - you have to read this book. It's a 12.

- directions - the follow up to death cab's plans, directions is a bunch of shorts by a bunch of directors that interpret the songs on plans. Some of the videos are a bit dissapointing, but crooked teeth is great (imagining ben gibberd as a robot - classic) and so is your heart is an empty room

- new neighbors - no, we actually have new neighbors. they're moving in today. So far I haven't done much with them beyond offering our driveway. We really need to clean the house so we can have everyone over.

- garden - need to start mulching and planting. it's getting warmer, and i'm anxious to start on my red carrots and strawberries and stuff. need to go to Bath, this garden center in Fort Collins.

gotta get back to work - it's getting busy. New issue out Saturday, which also happens to be a habitat for humanity day. it's a gonna be busy. oh yeah, and maya angelu is coming to unc, so it will be sweet to hear her speak. later!

atonement

2006-03-22T10:48:00.000-08:00

so I finally read Atonement. I've been wanting to forever. I'll say this - it was beautiful, but it broke my heart. If you haven't already, you should read it.

It's cold here and I'm hungry. Mom has convinced me to go in for a blood test since I've been so tired and everything. It's not that I hate doctors per say but more that I hate doctor's offices. We'll see.

m

A random update

2006-03-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

I guess I should go back to my old blog, since we're not technically moving anymore. . .

On Monday at small group there was drama so we had to meet at Borders. Our assignment was to find a book title that described where we were in life. Heather chose "Life is funny" . . . Lee chose C.S. Lewis' "An open mind" . . . I chose Mitchell's "Cloud Atlas."

Aside from my identification with the plot line (which is basically six people's stories who are told in reverse order, in halves, who are loosely related to each other) the title says a lot about where I think I am right now . . . An atlas of the clouds . . . But the clouds are ever changing, but they're always there somewhere, anyway, and . . . I guess the transitory aspect is what I'm feeling. It's not at all like when I actually was transient, with no permanent address and everything up in the air. No, now it's more like a permanent transition or something. I'm not the same person I am when I left California, but I'm still me, you know?

I just found out that they're bringing me out for worship conference. While it makes me happy to know that I'll still have a job at the end of June, the beginning of July is beginning to worry me. I need to just talk to mark, but that's a little easier said than done. I'm worried because there's not a huge demand for what I do here in Greeley, what with all the college students who are basically willing to do it for free, and the thing at Atlas (my church) hasn't really panned out either. Besides, I don't want to give up on PD yet, as much as I question some things, I really believe in what other churches are doing with it. It's my community that I care about. I don't want to leave them. And to really pursue anything else, even just a side job to pay the heating (which is outrageous) would take too much time away from them.

other things, though, I've found time for, to protect my sanity. Cooking at all hours, for instance, or playing warcraft with tom (I'm up to two characters, but my first will always be my favorite), or scrapbooking, which is way too expensive but I promised Millena that I'd finish this one from our trip to the zoo, and that was probably six months ago . . .

it snowed yesterday. It looks pretty outside . . . I'll try to remember to take some pictures later. for now though, I think I need some breakfast potatoes.

mel

moving waters

2005-12-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

moving waters

in the face of public outcry, i have created a blog to journal my (our?) moving experience. you can read all about it at moving waters.

good things are afoot

2005-12-01T08:59:00.000-08:00

first, i love my husband. he is great.

second, today is my last day of classes. ever.

third, one more week, two more papers, one more final, and i'm done. yay!

today

2005-11-04T08:32:00.000-08:00

today is going to be a lazy day. I can tell. i can't get started. It’s not that I don’t have anything to do. It’s really more that I have too much to do. And half of it is at home.

My cube is finally organized. Almost. It doesn’t help me feel any more productive.

I finished my first big flash project. It took seven complete rewrites. I think I’m finally getting better at it.

I just want to know what’s going to happen. I want it all to be over. Bah. I better get started on editing this month’s edition of the webzine. All the little blue squares are there, assuring me I will have a full issue. I just don’t feel it. We’ll see.

2005-10-31T12:02:00.000-08:00

ubc waco
yesderday pastor Kyle Lake was electrocuted at university baptist church in waco, texas. You may be more familiar with ubc as "david crowder's church." Kyle's book "understanding God's will" was one my favorites from the last year, and it is hard to believe that such a young man of God is gone after just getting started.

How fragile life is. How little we know our appointed time and hour. How vibrantly we should embrace the time that we have. my heart is heavy for his wife and his family.

driving: part one: classical music

2005-10-20T15:54:00.000-07:00

When my sister and I still lived together,
we imagined excuses for escaping
into my 93 Geo prizm,
all the windows down,
classical concertos blaring.
Relishing all the sideways glances
as our fingers twittered
through the passing currents.
We were not made
for such a town as this.

i'm not a good blogger

2005-10-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

so while the rest of my professional life hangs in limbo, my blogging skills are prooving themselves unworthy.

I just realized its already october, which means that I need to start editing the october issue. crud. and i have to go to the dmv today. double crud.

on the plus side, being married is great. and we're going to go visit Momma Teresa in a couple weeks. and then i'm going to have a pirate party for halloween. and i'm turning 21 in exactly a week.

i better get started.

<3mel

Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19

2005-09-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19

arr me hearties. it be international talk like a pirate day!

PD- Katrina Effort Front Lines

2005-09-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

I picked this page to blog off of because it's where I've been spending most of my time this last week, and because it's been so long since I blogged anything.

Tom and I had planned to spend the long weekend in San Francisco with Tom's mom. But then my spanish professor cancelled class on Thursday after hearing several of her cousins were confirmed victims of the hurricane. After praying with her, crying, and praying some more, I decided (and Tom graciously supported my decision) to stay here to do what I could for her.

Desperate to do something for the survivors, I've partnered with Josh (the guy who married us and the PDYM guy here on staff) to keep PD's web-based response running. It's been a hectic weekend. But it's been worth it. To see all the good that is happening. To know that I'm a part of the change. It's worth it.

To all of you who are criticizing the federal/state/local government for their slow response, I challenge you to seek out the shining example of the ordinary people who are on the front lines. The tiny, ancient, crumbling church buildings that have opened their doors to the fifteen survivors that will fit in the sanctuary. The congregations serving food and water along side the red cross and the mission relief board and others.

To all of you who question where the country is going, I challenge you to open your eyes to the thousands of ordinary Americans who have opened their doors and their hearts to complete strangers, simply because these survivors have no where else to go.

Why don't you give? Why don't you open your home? Why not go yourselves to help these people pick up the pieces of their lives? I know I plan to, as soon as I can. And in the meantime, I'd doing what I can from homebase to support the pastors and congregations - the true army of kindness here - who are reminding us all what our response to this should be.

Any one who knows me knows that I'm not crazy about America. Living in a foreign country opens your eyes to all sorts of things, and we are not perfect. But the problem here is not the American people, but American politics. And, of course, those of you who choose to play into the same game of American politics. Stop playing the part of the partisan politician. Start being an American. Get off your soap box and start helping.

... Here I go...

death cab for cutie : the stability ep

2005-08-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

this is where the stable song origionally appeared. It was called ... um ... stability.

I would like to amend my previous post by saying that plans is not totally depressing. I like it more every time I hear it . . . or could it be because I've gotten back to work and stopped reading the lyrics along with the songs?

In either case, this is still a great album, and Ben Giggard and all of DCFC, I love you.

Death Cab for Cutie

2005-08-31T14:20:00.000-07:00

I thought that I would really love the new Death Cab album, but really, it's just making me depressed.

It may be that, newly married as I am, the songs on plans about failed relationships and dying loves just don't resonate in the same way that they might otherwise.

Gone are the happy casio-enduced bits that we saw in transatlanticism and other ben gibbard projects.

I just got to the last song, Stable song , which was previously released on something else, I can't remember right now. This new version is refreshing, although still a little on the contemplative side. Which, I suppose, is just that way that any Death Cab album should be.

2005-08-25T16:09:00.000-07:00

my favorite one so far

2005-08-18T15:02:00.000-07:00

so, I've finally posted some pictures from the wedding. enjoy!

2005-08-18T15:01:00.002-07:00

the happy couple . . .

2005-08-18T15:01:00.001-07:00

the girls . . .

2005-08-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

the pd team . . .

2005-08-18T15:00:00.001-07:00

the jensens . . .

2005-08-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

the quinns . . .

2005-08-18T14:59:00.001-07:00

tom waiting

2005-08-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

getting ready

2005-08-18T14:58:00.001-07:00

flowers! flowers everywhere!

2005-08-18T14:58:00.000-07:00

making plans

2005-08-18T14:57:00.001-07:00

(some of) the ladies

2005-08-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

at the rehersal dinner . . .

break down

2005-08-05T16:10:00.000-07:00

so it's t-minus eight days.

that's right people, eight days. You can count them on your fingers (or your toes, which ever your fancy). I think it really hit me today.

or maybe it was my hard drive crashing that hit me. Hit me hard. Real, unadulterated panic ensued. So today was a day for rebuilding.

rebuilding banners. rebuilding this month's entire issue. rebuilding wedding stuff. rebuilding the daily news for the celebrate recovery summit which, I'm afraid, will just have to wait until next week.

I had lunch with one of my very old friends today. From elementary school, actually. She has changed. A lot. And yet, in some ways, not at all. It's kind of funny. Well, it wasn't really funny at the time. Our lunch was actually a three hour ordeal. It wasn't all bad. It was kind of interesting. I tipped our waiter at cafe tu tu tango way too much. Which is odd, considering that I wasn't exactly in a super happy mood. Ah, the things we do.

mom and April get here in two days. I paid the deposit at the ranch yesterday. Sam kept asking me all these questions about what we were going to do, and I had no idea. I was just like, oh, um, I think my sister's doing that, I'll check with her.

my back hurts. A lot. I will be happy to have a bed again.

I'm tired. I can't believe that we're going to the ball game tonight. We are going to die. All of us. I don't know how we're going to make it.

oh well, it will be fun. Out of the ordinary.

Sunday will be good. I'll get to cook a lot. I'm looking forward to that.

love you all. Can't wait to see you in eight days.

m

articles on p.com

2005-07-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

article on bishop garlington and a reprint of an eariler article on Daniel Semsen's church in San Diego

i have two articles in rick's ministry toolbox this week. This goes out to something like ten thousand pastors around the world.

now, if i could get my own articles done for pdworshipcommunity.com

the wedding is in two and a half weeks. it seems so sureal.

m

catching up

2005-07-18T20:39:00.000-07:00

there is so much to record from the last week.

The Worship Conference really is my favorite time of year. God is just so present. There really is nothing like hearing more than 2500 worship leaders lift up praises in perfect harmony, thier spirits so eager to be allowed to actually, whole-heartedly worship. Standing in durring worship is one of my favorite things.

But the thing that I realized most this conference is how blessed I am with my friends. About day two we realized that this conference was where Becky, Jenn, Tom and I all became friends. And this year, we added a new friend, Allison, who works in the TN office, plus Mike and Connie and Jimmy from Florida. And Cami and her friend Pam. Every night, even after late night, we went out, for dinner, to the beach, just to hang out.

For tom's birthday on saturday, we moved all his stuff into the apartment and put up our shelf (yay!). Then I made our famous parmesain mac and cheese for dinner and Becky, Jenn, and Allison came over for mac and cheese and four flavors of ben and jerry's. What a fantastic night. we are so blessed.

today I supprized tom with a new tv. i fell in love with it at Sears, and I knew that he would love it too. Jenn and I had an adventure getting it from the car into the apartment. we ended up having to push it down the breezeway. I'm so glad that we live on the bottom story!

While we were at the mall to pick up the tv, Jenn stopped to get her hair cut. it was a bit of a saga, but suffice it to say that I got through a sizable stack of magazines. In all fairness, I only turned to redbook as a last resort.

To begin with, I read Time. because up until today, neither Tom nor I had really had access to a television, and all I listen to is KCRW, I knew about the London Bombings, probably more than someone who watches the TV news, but there are some things that cannot be conveyed on radio. And today, I saw pictures of the London bombings for the first time. I seriously almost cried. It could have been all that hair solution, but I'm pretty sure it was the pictures of the double decker bus, half completely demolished. What a sureal moment to actually see what I had been hearing so much about. What a wake up call to the real monstrocity of the action.

And looking at the picture, the back almost completely gone, the front strangely intact, I couldn't help but think about the people who were sitting in the front of the top layer. Were they hurt? Did they help the other people? What were they thinking as the back half of the bus slid away from them? "God, thank you for the front being the only open seat when I walked on,"? "Where are my children?" "I'm going to be late again, I'll be fired for sure this time"? What would I be thinking? I honestly don't know. But seeing the photographs really made me think about it.

until later,
m

day four

2005-07-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

so my feet are going to fall off, seriously.

i love the worship conference like none other, but it's crazy to be here 24 hours a day for four days. I'm meeting a lot of great people, so there's that going for me =)

I think we'll go to tom's tonight and crash. I think I have to keep the cafe open until the doors open for the concert around 7, but then we can head out.

also, becky rocks!

m

it's after five on a friday and we're all loosing our minds

2005-07-08T17:11:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since I've done a serious post, and this certainly isn't the time to begin. It is nice to see that the pictures are back up. I'm hoping I will still be able to use hello to post, because the pictures come out much better that way, and they have the pretty border. Maybe later I'll try to post a picture of Tom and I @ the Hollywood Bowl. We went on Wednesday night to see "video games live," which was really good, even if they didn't play anything from "secret of mana."

I think I had played a total of three of the games that they did songs from, so I always got excited when I heard something that I knew. And even the other ones were pretty good.

Last night, tom and I went to see apres vous, which is a very funny french film that you really should try to see if it's playing anywhere near you. Here's the website.

Today BECKY CAME TO WORK!!!! This is very exciting for Tom and I, who haven't seen Becky for ages, well, since saddleback's big thingy in Anaheim. Becky is one of Tom's attendents and she's totally awesome. For a great picture of Becky, be sure to check out Tom's blog (see link at right).

The conference begins with setup on Monday, but it seems so far away.... I mean, there's so much to do before then, mainly tom moving in to our new apartment. We now have a couch and a bed, and I can't wait to take pictures of the apartment on Sunday. I'll post them when I can.

Okay, that's enough not working. I'll get back to craziness now.

much love,
mel

2005-07-08T17:09:00.000-07:00

this is us at video games live on wed. tom looks slightly stoned, or sleepy, or maybe he just blinked. in any case . . .

2005-07-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

this is a test because pictures don't seem to be posting that well . . . . this is one of my favorite pictures of tom and i

it appears that maybe you have to put in imagges from within the blogger structure (and not through piccassa anymore). which doesn't seem very fair b/c the old ones aren't even visable anymore....

or maybe that isn't even working. too much happening to focus on this problem... more later...

2005-06-29T17:26:00.002-07:00

me, wounded, but still having fun

2005-06-29T17:26:00.001-07:00

a crab (yummy)

2005-06-29T17:26:00.000-07:00

tom the explorer

2005-06-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

pictures from the tide pool excursion . . . next time we'll attempt to do it without major injury. haha...

a catch up entry

2005-06-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

so I wrote this to bev and thought it's a good summation, maybe I should post it. So here it is.
Last weekend, Tom and I went to Colorado. it was good to see my Mom doing so much better, and april, well, she's april, and always fun.

This weekend was probably the best weekend of my life. I’m bummed that you couldn’t be here. First, on Thursday, my car stopped working. It wouldn’t turn on. But when I went to try it one more time before I called the tow truck on Saturday morning, it started! And the car people said it was only my battery that wasn’t grounded right, and not the starter. Praise God! And then, my bridal shower was Saturday, and it was so much fun. It was beautiful. It was sad that you couldn’t be there, but it really makes me excited for the wedding, when all my friends will be there! Later on Saturday, Tom and I went to my friend Leslie’s graduation. We didn’t stay very long, but it was so much fun! On the way there, we went to Target to buy a glass pitcher, and then to Trader Joe’s for some fresh flowers. I arranged them in the car on the way there, and cut off the stems with some wire cutters that were in the car. It was so much fun! Then I think we went out to dinner and for a movie. I can’t really remember… oh, yes I do, we went to see Bewitched. It was so cute. I loved it.

Then, yesterday we had a lazy day. At about ten, tom picked me up and we went to the tide pools. There were so many crabs and fish and stuff. Unfortunately, after a while I finally got my flip flop wet, and that led to my slipping and gashing my left hand open. Man, it hurt (and still does) but I’m so thankful that it was my left hand and not my right! We stayed at the beach a long time after that, reading and stuff. Then we went to school and got some Gabriel Garcia Marquez books in Spanish, since I might do my thesis on him. After that, we went home and did laundry (fun…)and then we went to church. It had been a while since we’d been traveling and stuff, and it was so nice to get back into corporate worship. I really missed it.

2005-06-27T17:14:00.000-07:00

this is the quintessential picture of me, and that is why I must post it, even though I look gooney.

2005-06-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

this is the cake from my wedding shower, which was Saturday. It was so much fun. Less than 6 weeks now until the wedding... i'm so excited!

2005-06-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

i actually took this a while ago when we started doing invites, but it's been awhile since i've posted... i'm hoping this counts

Recent Earthquakes - Map for 117-34

2005-06-16T14:03:00.000-07:00

Recent Earthquakes - Map for 117-34
another earthquake. that's the second one that we've felt in less than a week. yay.

i'm glad we're moving in december.

m

COLDPLAY | X & Y

2005-06-16T12:22:00.000-07:00

COLDPLAY

admittedly, I only listened to the new album X & Y once last night, after I purchased it on itunes in another desperate attempt to avoid writing this paper for silver. My first sign should have been that you couldn’t just buy the regular album for 9.99. You had to buy the special one with the interview/video/whatever it is for 11.99. But I thought, hey, it’s Coldplay and it’s overdue, and it’s probably still cheaper than going to tower. So I did it.

And let me just say, that I have had to spend most of this morning (while I was also working, of course), finding my old coldplay albums, praying itunes would rip them over the scratches that had previously rendered them unplayable, and then convinsing myself that I still liked coldplay.

I mean, it would be fair to assume that my musical tastes have changed since I bought 2002’s “a rush of blood to the head,” since I hadn’t listened to either it or “parachutes” since they stopped playing on my dad’s low-grade back-market player. Maybe I just didn’t like coldplay anymore.

But that is not the case. I still love “parachutes”. I almost cried during “the scientist” on “a rush of blood”. No, the problem is not that I don’t like coldplay. The problem is that I don’t like x &y.

Maybe I just need to listen to it obsessively until the words become so ingrained into my brain that singing them in my head becomes second nature. Yes, that is what I will do. I’m sure that’s the problem. By not listening to anything but KCRW’s morning becomes eclectic, I have missed all the pre-release radio play that is meant to build the hype and set the groundwork. Now, I must set the groundwork myself.

12 hours in the car tomorrow and Saturday should play into this plan rather nicely.

Until then, it’s old school coldplay for me. Ahh… yes… the birth of my love for piano rock….

pdworshipcommunity.com june edition - check!

2005-06-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

PDworship Community

well, the june edition is finally done. Scratch that off my list for this week. I fixed some things for Kroll's paper, but decided not to add a conclusion or anything more to the intro since what is there works (also, I don't really remember much of my argument for this paper) - so check that off the list as well. My bio final this morning went okay, I'd guess I got a b. which is fine with me.

that just leaves this meeting with Silver, her final paper (two hours of writing... sure... once I figure out what I'm going to write on... man, I hate shakespeare....) and Elisa's final in class on Friday.

We also need to make more invitations before we leave for colorado on friday. 59 days now....

oh, and we got the approval for the six month lease here. We're going to turn in paper work this afternoon... tom will move in 10 July.

God is so good...

mel

2005-06-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

I really like this banner that tom made for the internet cafe at the worship conference. and since I haven't posted for a while, I thought I'd post it. =)

rent a zilla, destroy tokyo

2005-06-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

MegaTokyo

it's been a while since I posted anything. So i'm posting. sort of. finally piro and nanasawa are going somewhere, and look, there's a rent a zilla in the second frame, destroying tokyo. sweet.

wedding plans are pretty much no where. Got the parking permit for the elem school and sent it in. This weekend: bm's dresses. Next week: Finals. After that: the real work.

+++++++++++
+`````+

it's been a while

2005-06-03T23:43:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i've posted, so i thought i'd say hello. It's getting kind of late and, sadley, not not even a little tired. well... maybe a little. We played customary friday night cards, which was fun, but everyone was a little more tired than usual (how is it that four days weeks somehow do that to you?) and so we broke it up early. I got a call asking me to come in tomorrow, which I didn't expect, so I'm going to have to rearrange my day tomorrow.... I just finished writing up some sort of assessment. so yeah...

besides my hair tomorrow, we must also go to the ranch b/c this is the only saturday it's open this month, and I want to look around logistically and see what else we need to be thinking about that we're not. plus i need to drop of the parking permit. hopefully it's at dad's.

m

a funny kind of mood

2005-05-30T22:56:00.000-07:00

i'm really in a funny kind of mood, and I wish I could shake out of it. It's not the same as it was for most of today - tired, worn out, off. I kind of finished my final paper for 102c. but now, it's more foreboding. Like everything is about to change, even though I know it's not. I've really got to stop watching gangster movies. even if layer cake was good. it's bad for my psyche. I don't even know how to spell that.

the wedding is really sneaking up on me. things are getting crazy. i should be doing more. stupid school. finally talked with dad. it went about as well as can be expected. i stood up for myself and tom, and that's the most important thing at this point.

why am i thinking in a british accent?

I had another tooth dream last night. those are always the worst. i hate them. this time, my lover right pointed tooth came loose, and i finally got tired of it twirling around on one string and yanked it out, only to discover, to my horror, that it was an adult tooth that would have to be put back. turns out the little thread it was holdin on to was the root or nerve or something. so i go into the clinic with tom and someone else was with us maybe, and Suzanne was working at the front desk. she fills out a little money envelop sized thing with "special request" in giant scroll script and sends it to where ever it should go to get the clearance. that's all i remember. it's the first one i've had where i'm actually pulling my own teeth out. I hate them because they're always so real. I can feel them. it's so bizarre. I mean, normally, this wouldn't concern me, except for the whole, gotta put it back thing, which is probably a bad thing. it's not like you can just stick a tooth back on. it's not like you can undo a lot of what i'm doing. smart, eh? but Tom was with me, and that's a good sign, as far as i'm concerned. i bet it's about my dad. that's probably it.

we went for the second/third time to see kontrol at the university theatre (it depends on how you count - we set out to go three times, but only made it to the theatre twice). this time we didn't see it because it's not playin there any more. it just wasn't meant to be. besides, we'd already seen layer cake. We couldn't decide where else to go after that, not very much is open at 10:30 on memorial day, so tom just brought me home and drove away off into the starry, starry night. makes me nervous him not havin a phone. when i 'know' he's made it, i'm only 99% sure =)

i guess i better read for tomorrow.

we saw the three penny opera in hollywood last night. it was good. really good. the open fist did a good job.

m

American Football: American Football: Pitchfork Review

2005-05-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

American Football: American Football: Pitchfork Review: "As it stands, they create some very pretty tunes which are perfect for... well... emo-ish things, like cuddling, hanging around a playground at sunset, and sighing deeply. So, I guess I'll just have to pull up my argyle socks and deal with it."

i really have to get this album now. this is the second time i've read this review after seeing af being featured on insound, and this time it may have actually gotten to me.

i'm torn, however, knowing that the band has already broken up, and produced numerous solo projects. what if i like them too much? i'll never be able to satisfy my craving for more. eh, maybe it was good for them to stop while they were ahead.

m

MegaTokyo - relax, we understand j00

2005-05-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

MegaTokyo - relax, we understand j00 it took me two days, but i finally finished all 712 megatokyo strips. And my L33t reading skilz are better than ever. now i just need to work on my two papers for silver... yay...

...and so that's when the mg is released from the nmda receptor...

2005-05-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

so i'm supposed to be studdying for a bio midterm. the practice questions still aren't up, and the test is tomorrow. I just got home from coldstone with tom (to celebrate the end of his class... he just finished his astronomy final). this has been a crazy day. here's a (rather loose) summary of what happened.

12:30am - leave "Dear Frankie" at the University Edwards. Drive home.
2:00am - give up trying to read and go to sleep
5:00am - cell phone dies, making loud noises while doing so. wake up and re-insert into cradle, praying the alarm will go off at 6:30
6:30am - alarm goes off. in a tired-induced stupor, I snooze it.
6:35am - give up waiting for the snooze to go off and finally get up.
7:28am - leave the condo for the office.
7:45am - begin working.
8:00am - call Chris at UNC to ask what the heck is up with my transfer units. leave message on voice mail.
8:15am - make changes to website and submit for approval.
8:30am - leave for Jenn's to walk the pooch.
9:30am - arrive on campus. park far away. take homework with me. get in people's way for a while.
10:30am - finally give up helping and escape to the children's building to study for bio.
10:45am - Chris from UNC calls me back to explain that it's all a misunderstanding, and my major course acceptance sheet will come later.
11:00am - leave for uci.
11:30am - arrive on campus. proceed directly to Silver's office, where she asks how things are going with my dad and tells me the best way to go about writing my paper. Takes news of my possible departure better than I had expected.
12:00 - go to Dr Anson's office hours, be surrounded by students from the other class. I ask about LTP and explain my understanding of said process. she says it's good. I leave.
12:30 - my slavery and lit class begins. robert and i discuss the dynamics of the relationship between the evil guy who teaches the class before us and our own female prof. Why can't he ever clean off his own whiteboard?
2:00pm - get message from Jenn about needed change to daily news. call and worry about doing it but then realize i can go back to work.
2:15pm - go back to work.
3:15pm - realize i'm going to be late for my meeting with professor kroll. beg tom to take me so I don't have to look for a parking spot. he agrees.
3:40pm - meeting with kroll goes suprisingly well. only need to change a few stylistic things. leave happy.
4:30pm - arrive back at work. Jenn calls to see if I'll walk little bit. I agree.
4:40pm - leave to go to Jenn's
5:40pm - get back from Jenn's. Take tom to BK for some fast dinner before his final.
6:00pm - Jenn calls to see if i'll resend the daily news. I agree and go back to work.
6:30pm - send daily news. close up shop. tom leaves for his final, i go home to study for bio.
8:00pm - Harald calls me with brief crisis about phillipine pastor he's housing. I make phone calls but to no avail and finally call him back to tell him not to worry about it until tomorrow.
8:15pm - tom calls to tell me he's finished his test and is close by, would i like to go for ice cream. would i ever!?
8:50pm - finally buy and devour said ice cream. cake batter + oreo. yummy.
9:44pm - now. not sure what else has happened. tom's reverse lights come on when he turns on his car. it's kind of weird. I've been trying to study for bio. I'm going to be praying a lot durring this test. God always uses the hard sciences to bring me closer to him =)

I guess I'll get back to that. oy vey.

chaos ensues

2005-05-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

this is going to be one of those weeks. why do i think that? i don't know.

today the may edition of the worship community webzine went live. it actually went fairly smoothy, and so that was good. every time it gets a little easier. or i care a little less. I'd like to think that it's the former.

today marks the first day of pdc. I'm supposed to actually be attending this one, to build relationships with some of the speakers. the hope here is that they will write for me. well, for the community. we'll see how much actually get to participate. I'm too willing to help out. It's like second nature. hard to give up.

i talked to grandma yesterday. it was her birthday. april told her that we were getting married this auguest. In all fairness, I didn't make it absolutely clear that dad didn't know about the wedding and/or that I wanted to be the one to tell him. So i'm assuming grandma told dad, which just complicates everything. crap.

things at the condo are going okay. it's really not home, but who expected that?

i cut out from registration early tonight and headed over to michaels to check out what papers they have for the invitations. we really need to get started on those. hopefully, i can show tom some other samples tonight.

okay, so my flatmates - sorry, housemates - are really strange people. they make me laugh. their lives are so different from mine. it's kind of strange. it's a long story.

school is crazy. i have two papers and a midterm this week. i'm going to loose my mind. If i don't get to go to workshops because work is sucking me in, i'll probably have to cut to save my school work. unc is going to be so much easier than this. i can hardly wait.

i guess i should study now. just thought i'd give you an update on what's going on.

i'm hungry. they're all downstairs. I want my strawberries. bummer.

The Rumor Mill

2005-05-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

The Rumor Mill
okay, this j ralph guy is genius. watch a bunch of the commercials that his songs have appeared in here. (go to "play real")

when she dances

2005-05-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

Google Answers: Honda Civic Hybrid Commercial (2004) Song
i totally got distracted for a good twenty mintues looking for the answer to this question. here's how it happened:

i was listening to the decemberists picaresque which made me wonder if they had the album cover art up on thier web yet

so i went to their news page, which mentioned that colin had recently had an interview with one of the ladies from all things considered

this made me remember this song i heard yesterday after a rather interesting story on committing the perfect crime in yellowstone.

so i tried to find the song on thier song look up thingy.

but the sample buttons weren't working so i had to open itunes and try every song from the whole program.

the second to last one wasn't showing up on itunes, so i tried to get the sample button to work one last time. and it worked! that was the song!

i remembered liking it because it was a car commercial. but i couldn't remember which one. anyway, the info on the atc website said that J Ralph had composed it and it was available on "the illusionary movements of geraldine and nazu"

so i went to itues to look at this record again. but this song wasn't on there.

so I emailed atc. i said, look, this song isn't on this record. where can i find it?

they emailed me back a form letter with faqs. great.

so i did a google search: "when she dances" + "commercial"

and after a while, I came up with this.

so it turns out that it is on that cd, but only at b+n?

that's one way to make me go in there and buy it, I guess =)

back to the paper....

mel

Shortpacked! by David Willis

2005-05-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

Shortpacked! by David Willis
i've been sucked into shortpacked. somehow i decided it would be a good idea to get caught up on it's walky instead of pulling quotes for my paper (having already decided to postpone the actual writing of the paper to tomorrow night).
i can't believe willis brought back mike. and robin. it's kind of cheep, but also good. in a, we're all having walky withdrawls kind of way.
i think i should sleep now. tomorrow's going to be a very long day